Enjoying your children #3

On Eating Out! My best word of advise on this subject is:  Don't hold them when you go eat at restaurants.  How long do you really think they will be happy sitting on your lap?  How happy will you be trying to feed yourself and feed a child squirming around on your lap?  Let them sit in their own chairs.  It's the easiest thing in the world to do.  They will eat better and have better manners.  

If you are struggling with this, here are some ideas:

a.  To get started, go eat at an odd time (mid-morning or early dinner) and teach them that everyone sits in their own chairs, no exceptions.  I guarantee if you think they just won't sit, it's because they've always had a choice.  Use the strap in highchair so there's no temptation to squirm down.  There might be some whining and crying, but try and stay at least 30 minutes.  I wouldn't be surprised if after 5 minutes, they realize, "Oh, I need to stay in my chair".  Kids are so smart and easily taught if you just give them the chance.   Don't worry about anyone around you.  I they want peace and quiet, they should eat at home!

b. Bring their favorite book and some little toys you know they like (little people, polly pockets, little plastic animals).  Wait just a little before getting out their toys.  They will be happy with the change of scenery and the waiter at first.  Then, don't pile all the toys in front of them, but give them the books and toys slowly...one at a time.  As they get older, you can bring stickers, crayons, markers, maze books, ect...   

c. Don't feed them before you go out.  This is key!  Bring at least one of their favorite healthy foods (tupperware of strawberries, yogurt, a banana).  Don't let them eat before everyone else gets their food.  If it's taking a long time to get your order, bring out the snack.  Don't, whatever you do, ask for their food early.  They should eat when you are eating.  Once they are done eating, they won't want to stay much longer. 

I think you will be shocked at how easy it is to enjoy an hour long meal with actual visiting and conversation with family and friends.  It's really fun!

Enjoying your children #2

On Discipline!  Always be consistent in discipline.  Once children know what to expect, life gets a much more pleasant for both of you.  If you say it, you must follow through no matter the crying, pleading, and the sweet "i'm sorry mama".  For example, if you say "We are leaving the park the next time you throw sand" then you must leave the next time they throw sand.  If you don't, it's really not fair to the child.  How are they supposed to know when you mean it and when you are just kidding.  They have no idea when you are serious.  If you develop consequences to behavior, you must follow through.  Don't make it a guessing game.  Also, let them know you are serious.  Look them in the eye, bend down to their level (don't call out from the bench where you are visiting with a friend), and speak as if you explaining something.  There's know need to be harsh.  Explain, "The consequence for throwing sand is to leave the park.....or sit in time-out....or whatever."  If you know you won't follow through, so will they.  If they don't stop the behavior you have warned them about, look to your own past behavior.  Unless your child can't learn, you are not being consistent.   I can't tell you how extremely important consistency is for your child's good behavior and peace of mind.  They really do want to please you.  Show them how!

Enjoying your children #1

Sleep!  I could write a book about how important sleep is for adults and children.  I'm a little obsessed!  It's so much more than a good nights sleep that you give your children.  A good nights sleep is definitely important (for you and them).  But, when children are rested their learning improves and they are better able to deal with life's frustrations.  Teaching them to sleep on their own and in their own beds is the only way to assure them of a good nights sleep.  More than just being well rested, it gives them a confidence that children who sleep with their parents don't have.  It's interesting how hard it is for working parents to do this simple task.  It really is simple though it may be emotionally tasking.  The longer you wait to do this for your children, the harder it is and MUCH more emotional for you both.  We selfishly want to hold our sleeping children.  It's so cuddly and comfortable to lay down with your them or rock them to sleep, but so unfair to them.  Cuddle them when they are awake!

If you are waiting for your children's eyes to fall shut, your waiting too long.  Children should not wait to go to bed until they can't keep their eyes open.  Can you imagine if you did that?  How late would you be up every night waiting to be so tired your eyes won't stay open?  So, how do you put a child who seems wide awake to sleep?  You don't!  You teach them how to put themselves to sleep.  The younger you start, the easier on your child it is.  My nieces don't even remember not knowing how to go to sleep.  If you are struggling with this, read what I call the Ferber book (Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber).  It's an easy read and so informative.  But, here are some of his ideas in my words mixed with some of my ideas:  

First, FOLLOW THE FERBER SLEEP CHART!!  I love it and have found it to be comlpetely accurate give or take 30 minutes.

Next, always be consistent.   Have a 5 to 10 minute bedtime routine and give them a sleep item (stuffed animal, blanket, pacifier...something that is only for nighttime and doesn't leave their bed except for traveling).  Don't stray from the routine you have set!!  No matter when you start (infant or toddler) there will be crying involved.  Remember, they are safe and warm in their beds.  Crying isn't going to hurt them, and I guarantee it won't last.  Not teaching them to sleep will hurt them.  The younger your child is, the less crying time there will be at the beginning.  Give it 3 days and I bet they won't cry for more than 1 or 2 minutes before they are asleep.  Once they are sleeping on their own, don't muck it up!  If you ever think, "I'll just sleep with them tonight cause they asked so sweetly.....or they might be teething,......or they seem out of sorts", you'll have started something that is so difficult to stop and so unfair to them.  I have a friend who's 13 year old son still crawls in bed with them and has a 16 year old who can't get to sleep until after 11pm every night (she gets up @ 5am to catch the bus for school) because they never learned to sleep on their own.  They actually had great sleep habits as babies, but it ended as soon as they could talk and asked for mommy to lay down with them and it was over.  Don't be fooled in thinking this will eventually stop and your kids will one day be great sleepers.  Teach them now!  

It might be difficult when you are traveling, but stay as close as possible to your routines.  Make sure your bedtimes and naps remain consistent.  I promise this will give you a much happier trip.  You will not have as much flexibility for a few years, but you will have MUCH better vacations with much happier children.  Overall, a much more enjoyable trip.  If you really want flexibility to do what you want, bring your parents or babysitter along as nap and bedtime sitters.

Give your kids the amazing gift of sleep.  Always remember:  you are the parent and you know what's best.  We know what they want.... to sleep with you, sleep in your bed, stay up late, and never nap.  Hopefully, you have the wisdom and strength to do what's best for them and their well being.